Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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