I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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