Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
