Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
