I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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