who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
