my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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