I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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