well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
