your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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