I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
