drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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