Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
