I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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