Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
