He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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