come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
