Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
