toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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