Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
