Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
be right there i have to get my cape
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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