haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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