this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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