How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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