Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
