that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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