moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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