I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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