Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
