And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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