...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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