can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
