not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
