how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
