fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
