'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
