I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We left an ass print on the piano.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
