when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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