please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
