I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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