When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
