I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
COCAINE IS GR8
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
