my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
