hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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