this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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