you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
In America we eat man semen.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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