I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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