I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
