Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
