you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
