I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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