i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
