no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
