Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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