he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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